I just think it is amazing how you think you know what you know is right till God touches your life! I use to be pro-choice in my ingorance. I use to think that it was ok IF the woman was raped or molested. Well God has changed my heart and mind! John and I tried for 7 years to have Hannah-Grace. We did alot of infertility. We did IVF. If you have EVER done this it is so emotional. Just trying to concieve is emotional!
Well we did IVF, I had 30 eggs (the sarcastic side of me say BACH BACH!!) John was fine. Well out of those egss I had 8 that were viable! When they added the eggs and sperm in the pietre (sp?) dish, the sperm whent to oneside and the eggs went to the other! Ok, if you EVER took Biology you know that egg and sprem are polar oppisites and they are suppose to attract to each other! Well, they had to do a proceduce called rescue ixy (sp?). This is where they take the sprem and inject it into the egg.
Well out of those 8 only 3 became embroys. Witch means 2 to 6 cells. 1 became a blastacyst witch is an 8 cell embroy. Just a futher stage of development. We had to CHOOSE what to do. Well, we know that a heart beat begins at conception. We CHOOSE to have all 4 put back in me. The odds of ANY of them taking were slim to none and slim just walked out the door.
As most of you know there was not a viable pregnancy that came from those 4 embroys. That is a heart ache that only a person who has been thru a failed IVF can even being to understand. BTW... they took a picture of our Embryos and gave them to us and John got to see them in the microscope!
I being to question myself and my marriage. Was it ment for me to be a Mom? If they can not make it happen in the "lab" how can it happen in "life". All I could do was hold that picture of the embroys and cry. I still do to this day. In prayer and daily Bible readings the Lord spoke to my heart. "I have your babies here in Heaven. You will see them again one day, you just have to hold on to your dream!"
Then he gave me the verses in 1 Samuel 1:4-20 where Hannah cried out for a child and that her womb was barren. God heard her cry and blessed her with Samuel. So John and I started our cires to the Lord. Knowing all along that it would have to be the IVF that we concieve. Well, it came time where we could try again. I was eager to try John had major reservations.
It was a very tough time in our marriage. I was very hurt that he told me he was not ready. He had been there for me to help me heal that he did not have time to heal himself. I cried and got mad and was very fleshy about it. My mother told me, "You can not do it with out him in the natural or in the lab. You have to wait till he is ready."
Well, if you know me I am NOT patient. I am not one to wait. In this time of waiting we came to terms with it would be OK if it was just he and I for the rest of our lives. We had the chance to get Baptised and rededicate our lives to the Lord. We did get Baptised as a "Family" on June 22, 2005. Well in that water God bound and loosened things, to this day I am still finding out about. I was healed from smoking (after 10 years!).
Then that Sunday Pastor Tom had spoken on Jeremiah 29: 11-13 (this is my life verse). I think something in John and I both knew it was "TIME!"! Well, time went on friends of ours who had tried longer than we had found out they were pregnant. She told me I was next. I told her no, John was suppose to deploy and then mabye when he got home. Well, his deployment was canceled.
I think I tried to "fill" my time with other things. I looked into having gastric bypass (giving John time to heal). I went to the maditory conference. They told me that I would have to take a pregnancy test and then if it was negative I would have to go on the pill till 18 months after my surgery. I laughed at them.
Well on my way home from the conference (2 hrs away) I keep seeing rainbows. I told me Mom, "WOW!! I keep seeing thease rainbows." She told me, "That means that God keeps his promises." I told her yes it does! I got home that night went over everthing with John about the surgery and he stood behind me. I told him I am exausted I am going to bed. It was like 8:30 - 9:00.
I was saying my prayers when God just keep speaking to me to take a pregancy test. OF Course I had one. I HAD STOCK in them things! I could not sleep!! So I got up and took one. Was SO tired that I left it on the back of the toliet to "read" in the morning.
Well, it was trash night. John had asked me about the test, I told him that God would not leave me alone about it so I took it. I heard him toss something in the bag. He took the trash out and come back in to get a shower and come to bed.
He was running the water when he looked at the test (he had thrown the test box in the bag!) he called to me, "Meredith, COME HERE!" I thought he was trying to be "funny". I told him, "WHAT, I am tired". He stood there with the test and asked, "What do two lines mean?"
I leaped out of the bed in one single bound! "OH MY GOODNESS!!!" I screamed and started to shake. He got dressed and left me with this test and ran to the local grocery store and bought 2 more for me to take. I took one that night and one the next morning. They were both postive right away! I was blown away. I then went to my Dr. that afternoon. I had taken 4 in 24 hours.
What I am trying to show you is that God is PRO-Life... and I am now PRO-LIFE!!! I know that every conception is from God. If God wants that child to be, he will bring the child to full term. That child does not have a voice. I want to be a voice for that child! Every Child is a miracle! It takes people doing it in a Lab to make a child, so doing it in the natural is even more amazing!!!!
Everything has to be "perfect", body tempature, secreations, ovualtion, sperm, lining of the uterus. All of this has to happen in PERFECT timing for a child to be concieved. So how with this PERFECT timing can we choose the PERFECT path for an unborn child? I am prayin that we can end aborition in the country! In a One Nation under GOD, this is not GOD's plan!!!!
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